Singing

I have always sung. I was in every choir and chorale in school, as well as one of the lucky singers in our eighth grade Octet. I even sang in nursing school at Christmas. Then, singing in the Catholic mass, I had a solo and found myself so nervous my voice shook with fear. I had not expected that. That was the last time I sang in public till the Ren Faire. And then, I was not singing alone, although people could hear my voice and isolate it from others. Don't get me wrong, I never stopped singing. I'd sing in the car, in stores ( once in a drugstore at Broad and Chestnut in Philadelphia, a man in the next aisle over was singing "Chain Gang" with the store's radio, and I chimed in. We sang the entire song together and never saw each other ). I sang with my husband, with my child, with her husband, and to my grandchild. Maria and I sang at Sing Along Sound of Music, with 300 other people.   Two years ago my son-in-law asked me to sing on a project of his. It was a thrill singing into an expensive microphone, wearing headphones, hearing myself and liking it.

Then Maria brought me to karaoke in Delaware this past fall. She had gone before, and has a spectacular voice  and very little fear. She said I could do it. And so I did! We sang a duet, I told her to stand close to me and not let me fall. I expected to faint from fright. I actually took a Xanax that I had left over from an old prescription the doctor gave me for a funeral. I shook, I was barely audible, but I sang. Two weeks later, I sang by myself. Found my own Saturday night karaoke in PA and never miss a week. I sing duets, sing alone, sing lots of songs and lots of styles. I may or may not have one drink, never more, and still feel that I need to tranq myself to get the nerve up, but I don't. I am rarely nervous now. We went to a new place recently, I expected to have stage fright....never happened. I like singing harmony to someone's melody, or vice versa. I have always loved picking out harmonies that work, even as a child. I like singing "hard" songs, love a challenge, will not sing anything I consider too easy. I also love singing gut wrenching, emotional songs. Only Maria and possibly Michael can understand what it means to me to finally be able to let people hear me sing. I went to karaoke with friends once, 12 years ago, suffered through the drunk girl's anthem Girls Just
Wanna Have Fun. Cringed as awful singers banged out top 40 songs, wrecking every note, and never,
 ever said " hey, I can do this". I was too afraid. Now, I will tackle anything I have the desire to, and if I don't know a song 100% I'll run through it once or twice that afternoon, or in the car in the way, but I don't practice.  My new and lovely friend Lisa told me it's more important to feel the song than make sure every note and every breath is perfect. I have never been a technical singer, so that was great advice for me. 

It's very gratifying, especially after all these years of keeping it in, to get compliments from strangers
on my voice. As with other things in my life, I sometimes wonder why this happened for me at this age and not sooner. But, as a late bloomer, I know why. It wasn't time. Now it is. 
God respects me when I work, but He loves me when I sing!